he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
