Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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