Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
