forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
