So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
