Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
