I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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