So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
