woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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