I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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