Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
