pop tarts are not kleenex
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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