I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
