her vagina looked like bernie madoff
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
