Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The convent might be a nice break from real life
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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