the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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