I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
