24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
