When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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