I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
