Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
