ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
