Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
