You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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