just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
