I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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