I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
