If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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