he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
