that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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