You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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