She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
A+ Viking dick
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
