Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
