You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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