My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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