What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
