Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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