WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize