Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
