yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
well you can't waste a boner
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
