Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
