He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
