I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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