So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
