cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
