Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
