I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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