But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
