I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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