Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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