Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
