it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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