So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
