I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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