There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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