Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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