He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
