So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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