I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize