very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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