I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
