My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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