can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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