I can't breathe out the right side of my face
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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