I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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