no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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