Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize