i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
