Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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